Sick and Sleepless Kiddos

Teá woke up early Monday morning with a stomach bug. Even two days later she is still not herself and is feeling quite sick. After an almost sleepless night with Amaryn (more on that soon), I was tired this morning and knew it was going to be a lazy, long day. The moment I woke up and joined Teá and Jason at the breakfast table, Teá was asking me to hold her. She perched herself right on my lap for the next hour, and remained close to me all morning. She cried when I got up to get my coffee and went to the bathroom. It made me ever so grateful to just BE here with her. I have no where else to be, no chores or duties that can't wait until another day. I can just be her mommy and take care of her. I am ever so thankful to be home with my kids and not having the stress and pressure to balance work outside the home and mothering. I'm thankful Jason is so supportive of my role here and that we have a mutual respect for each other's daily duties, sacrifices, and roles. I wish everyone could be in a similar situation.

On another note, it seems as though we are purchasing the home I talked about in my previous post! Yay! I've been able to {mostly} keep everything in perspective and am very excited to move in another week or two. It is very good, and turns out the extra space is really going to come in perfect timing as Amaryn is desperately in need of her own area, at least while we work on getting her to sleep through the night. In her crib. Letting her cry it out in her crib while we are trying to sleep in our bed in the same room just doesn't work-and neither does two people sharing a rather small couch in the living room. Plus I don't like being those neighbors in the apartment complex that keeps everyone awake at night with a screaming baby. Two nights in a row now we have had to let her cry it out, regardless of being said neighbors, but after and hour and a half we decided to just give up for now until we have another room to put her in. Sharing the couch just wasn't cutting it. So, after bringing her back in bed with us, she still was crawling all over us, practicing standing up in the bed, and couldn't keep still. Once we finally fell back asleep, we awoke to a "Ka plunk!" and a screaming child who had fallen off the bed. Thank God she was OK. We on the other hand are still recovering. So scary.

Despite the lack of sleep and constant worry, she's still the cutest, chubbiest little thing. I gah over her and Teá all day, every day. 

Yummy.

The only picture I could get of Teá today. This is the happiest she has been in a couple days, but sadly it didn't last too long.

Amaryn can now pull herself up into the standing position. I love seeing her proud smile and her interest in the new level of things she can see and explore.

Holding on tight.

Getting upset because she doesn't know how to get herself down. 

Praise God!

It's been a while since I've written here. So much has been going on, and while I've so often yearned to write and jot down learnings, thoughts, and memories, time and happenings haven't allowed for much of it lately.

Amaryn was born in September. Jason got a job at a local community college. He found out in December and started in January. We traveled to California to visit family for Christmas. Jason coached middle school basketball and made it to the semi-finals. I worked as a very part time hostess for three months in the middle of everything else. And now Jason is working hard finishing up his dissertation to (hopefully) graduate in May. He loves his new job, and truly it is a perfect fit for him and our family.

Then, kind of, sort of, out of the blue, we stumbled upon a house and we fell in love. A master bath, a deck over-looking a gorgeous large yard with a huge garden, a fire pit, and a small barn, two apple trees in the front yard, a beautiful kitchen with a breakfast nook, a nice location, and room to grow - what isn't there to like? The past three weeks we've been in the process of purchasing that house, kind of on a whim, kind of perfectly all falling into place. We finally signed the contract and everything was looking good as gold, and then we got a call this evening stating that the loan approval in fact isn't looking very promising. We don't know what will happen yet, but it got me thinking.

We went to stations of the cross tonight at the local parish. As I considered everything going on in light of Jesus and His sufferings, death, and resurrection, whether or not we get this house, I realize it just isn't as big of a deal as it so easily can seem like in our minds. There have been days of much anxiety as I pondered not getting the house and feeling like it was just too good a fit for our family to pass up. I felt like we had to get into that home. But as a Christian, this kind of thinking is very much contrary to what we should be feeling. You see, house or no house, it shouldn't affect my worship. It shouldn't affect my gratitude, affection, trust, hope, and joy in Christ. If it has that kind of impact on me, than I simply am not rooted in the truth and freedom of Jesus. I am not in control, and if I claim to trust in Him but show nothing of that trust in my actions or thoughts, than what does it matter? It means nothing if I don't show in my actions what I say with my mouth. I pray for His Will be done. Then why is it still my will that I try and impose on Him? Oh how backwards and unfaithful I can be sometimes.

It goes much further than that though. This home isn't my permanent home. It is a temporary place where permanent decisions are made, so while what happens here counts, the things that count are often not what we think. If this house or any other thing in my life is causing me to lose focus on what really matters in this life, then I need to do what it takes to refocus. You see, it isn't the house that matters, even if us living in that house is in line with God will for us, He cares much more about our souls. He cares much more about our daily commitment in putting HIM first in our lives, and OTHERS second, and ourselves last. He cares that we trust Him no matter what circumstances we are going through, whether they are good or bad. His blessings sometimes do fall on us in forms of a nice house, a great job, financial gain, and the like, but true blessing is found in the things that last. The things we can take with us after this life. Those are the blessings and graces we should be praying for and excited about. Often those blessings are found in the sacrifices and sufferings of this life. They are blessings in disguise, but their treasure is far more precious than any materialistic thing we could possess in this life.
I do hope to have a house one day. I hope that this house still works out. But it shouldn't be my focus. I can certainly be happy about it if it works out, but regardless, PRAISE GOD! He is SO GOOD and SO WORTHY to receive ALL of our worship. If we get the house, praise God! If we don't get the house, praise God! Whatever we do, praise God! He deserves all praise, all glory, all good. He is our Creator and Savior, it is the least we can do.

From Death To Life

This life is so short. Our bodies grow older everyday, and the moments that make up our lives slip by us no matter how much we try to savor them and hold on to them. I watch my little baby sleeping and know that she's going to grow up so quickly and there's nothing I can do about it. I try and remember what it feels like holding her and her fitting like a glove snuggled up next to my body. She won't be this little but for a short time. I wish it could last, but the reality is that it can't. We can't make the moments longer or shorter, they just are. Time continues to tick by whether we want it to or not. 

And each tick leads us inevitably closer to our death. And that's OK. I am not scared of death. My body will feel it, I know I will have to eventually go through that process, and it probably won't be a pleasant experience. But, in the midst of that, I find so much courage, hope, and peace knowing that Jesus will be right there with me, and through His mercy and unfailing love, by His grace and His blood, He will welcome me into His arms and my soul will be with its creator. What joy! I can't fathom it, but my soul yearns to be with Jesus, and until that day comes I will continue to do what He has asked of me while on this earth. To love Him and others, and to obey His commandments.

After Jesus' death, Mary Magdalene went to the tomb to anoint Jesus' body. Upon arriving and seeing the stone removed from the entrance to the tomb, two angels appeared to them and said "Why do you seek the living one among the dead? He is not here, but He has been raised." (Luke 24:5) I think this same response can be given to those here on earth mourning the death of a loved one who had faith in Christ while on this earth. As Christians, when we die, it is not our ultimate death. Actually, we really pass on to true, everlasting life. We have been raised with Christ into new life. So though our bodies will die, we will be among the living, not the dead. What a gift! It calls for rejoicing, not mourning.

I've been listening to a song that describes it well. It is called Holy (Wedding Day) by City Harmonic. I've included the lyrics below as well as the link to the song on YouTube.

Holy (Wedding Day): City Harmonic
This is the story of the Son of God
Hanging on the cross for me
But it ends with a bride and groom
And a wedding by a glassy sea
O death where is your sting
Cause I'll be there singing
Holy Holy Holy
Is the Lord

This is the story of a bride in white
Waiting on her wedding day
Anticipation welling up inside
While the groom is crowned as king
O death where is your sting
Cause we'll be there singing
Holy Holy Holy is the Lord

Holy Holy Holy Holy Holy Holy
Is the Lord Almighty
Holy Holy Holy Holy Holy Holy
Is the Lord Almighty
Who was and is and is to come
Who was and is and is to come

This is the story of the Son of God
Hanging on the cross for me
And it ends with a bride and groom
And a wedding by a glassy sea

This is the story of the a bride in white
Singing on her wedding day

Of the God who was and is to stand before a bride who sings
Holy Holy Holy Holy Holy Holy is the Lord Almighty