To Be A Better Mom...

A popular topic of conversation among myself and my friends whom are usually also mothers is the subject of parenting. Parenting includes a plethora of subject matter, from discipline to play time activities, to sleeping habits, to forming their character, and the list goes on. One thing I did not expect as a new mother was the vast array of opinions on parenting methods. Everyone seemed to have a certain way of doing things and many believed it was the only way of doing things. Or at least that was my impression as a new mom. I've since learned most moms don't actually feel this way and many struggle, like myself, with feeling like they are not a good enough parent and that the job seems at times to be impossible.

I have a lot of growth to do in order to become a better mom. I am not perfect and I have identified many areas in my own parenting style which need special attention in order to become the mom I want and hope to one day be. I've learned there really is no magic formula in parenting because every parent is unique and every child is unique. However, I have found one key in helping me to become a better mom and that helps develop better children. 

To be a better mom we must be the person we want our children to be. Do I want my kids to be more patient? Then I must be more patient. Do I want them to be better listeners? Then I must listen to them and give them my full attention. Do I want them to be less whiny? Then I must whine less and glorify God more in my words and actions. Do I want them to love others and serve in their community? Then so must I. 

Our children are going to learn the most from watching us. They will respond to life's challenges like we respond. They will interact like we interact. They will love like we love. They will also argue like we argue, whine like we whine, judge like we judge, hate like we hate. We are not perfect, nor are they. As much as they need our discipline, we must discipline ourselves to become more Christ-like as well. We must deny ourselves and become truly selfless in the giving of ourselves to God and others. Lastly, we must draw ever closer to Our Lord, for only by the strength and grace He provides can we hope to be the moms, and people, He asks us to be.

Save us from the Fires of Hell

"Oh my Jesus, forgive us our sins, save us from the fires of hell, lead all souls to Heaven, especially those in most need of Thy mercy. Amen." 

Our family prays this Fatima prayer daily, and recently while saying this prayer I wondered how Jesus might be answering it in my life. How is He "saving us from the fires of hell"?

Of course, He ultimately made it possible for us to go to Heaven with Him by His life, death, and resurrection. He faithfully forgives us of our sins whenever we seek His forgiveness. Still though, we must accept His awesome plan of salvation in our lives and work out our salvation with all fear and trembling (Phil. 2:12), for faith without works is dead (James 2:14-26) and we must continually avoid sin and its damning effects.

That being said, sin comes in all shapes and sizes. How easy it can be for us to fall! We ask for Gods help, and we ask for His saving grace, but sometimes His saving grace comes in a different form than we imagined. The path to holiness is a difficult one and honestly, as I'm slowly learning, it is not a comfortable one. I'm becoming more and more convinced that comfort is for fools and is a passing pleasure. We should expect to be humbled, to lay down our pride, selfishness, wants and desires, hopes and dreams, riches and possessions--none of which are comfortable for us. It is easy to pray nonchalantly "save us from the fires of Hell" and then when hardships arise we wonder why the Lord is allowing them, when in reality these sufferings and trials are saving us from the fires of Hell! That is why it is written in the epistle of James:

"Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you encounter various trials, for you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. And let perseverance be perfect, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

~James 1:2-4~

It is a true joy to be saved! Thank God for His saving graces, mysterious as they sometimes are. Let us humble ourselves, so that when we encounter trials, we will be joyful and believing in the power at work by the Holy Spirit through them to help us grow in holiness and set aside our wicked ways, which are not pleasing to the Lord but truly offensive. With confidence we can approach the throne of grace to receive mercy and grace in our time of need (Hebrews 4:16). Therefore, let us pray wholeheartedly and confidently, 

"Oh my Jesus, forgive us our sins, save us from the fires of hell, lead all souls to Heaven, especially those in most need of Thy mercy. Amen."

An Honest Confession

I walked into the church and found a seat close to the confessional to sit in. The church had a peaceful and reflective ambiance. Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament, no doubt, contributed to the atmosphere and I found it easy to sit in prayer and contemplate my sins, even with my three kiddos next to me in the pew.

Sin. How easy it is to break my beloveds heart with my sin. So often my confessions are very similar time and time again. My personal struggles continue to get the best of me as much as I don't like it. This particular day, however, I had decided to confess my sins a little differently than usual. You see, it's hard to admit our sin and easy to make it sound not as bad as it really is, and for those reasons I admit that sometimes I would be a little vague in confessing my sins. I reasoned, "Why go into details? God knows it all anyway and I'm confessing to Him." Sadly, my rational only gave the sin more of a stronghold and deepened the hurt it causes. So, instead of being illusive, I decided to be completely clear, open, and upfront about all of my sins. If Jesus was serious enough to die for my sins, then I should be serious enough to die to myself as well and not only make an honest confession, but also try my best to avoid every occasion of sin. I left the church that evening forgiven and with grace to help me sin no more. 

Enter: daily life. It always happens, right? The daily hustle and bustle often lends itself well to Satan's tactics and invitations to sin. Things get busy and sometimes godliness isn't always at the forefront of our mind or our actions. Well, thankfully, that's not always true. You see, after that confession, when the temptations for certain sins presented themselves, I was able to reject them. The grace from confession gave me the strength to remain strong and sincere to God. He was faithful in providing me with what I needed to flee from sin once I was faithful in confessing it! Not only that, but my distaste for my sin becomes stronger each time I confess and align myself with God's Will, through prayer and confession, to grow in holiness and reject Satan and all his works and empty promises.

I share all of this because it helped show me how incredibly awesome the Sacrament of Reconciliation is. There is true grace given in it! Jesus truly meets us there and not only forgives us, but helps to continue refining us to become more like Him! No matter how hard it is, I encourage you to take time for an examination of conscience and in prayer asking our Lord to help us see our sins for what they are, to confess them, and then live holy lives worthy and acceptable to God who is Holy and Worthy.

Giving Thanks

The past few weeks I have been feeling "in the thick of it" motherhood wise. It's beautiful, messy, wonderful, tiring, and rewarding. So many times throughout my day I just pause and soak in the moments. I'm in awe of the beauty of life. I'm thankful. These are good reminders when I know that so much of the world is in terrible suffering. I can't help but be weighted down by the intensity of trial and persecution for millions around the world. My sufferings are so very tiny and minute in comparison, but I must not forget that any suffering we can unite with Christs' and offer for the needs of others is a good thing and God can use it abundantly. Prayer is indeed a powerful weapon and God can do mighty things even with the smallest of faith. Lord, may your strength, grace, and courage be with those suffering everywhere in the world, whether it be great or small suffering, and may they remain steadfast in you. Amen.

While certainly my days leave me exhausted before even the afternoon hour lately, I feel oh so thankful for the gifts God has so generously lavished on me. While my heart is heavy for the sake of others, I don't want to forget to thank God and see His goodness all around me.

"From the rising of the sun to it's setting, let the name of the Lord be praised!"

-Psalm 113:3-

Jason is selfless in the mornings and wakes up with the kids most days while Vianney and I get to wake up slowly and a little later than everyone else. Once Vianney wakes up and gives me some of the biggest, sweetest, melt-your-heart smiles, she will then promptly turn herself to the door hoping to see one of her sisters coming in to greet her in the morning. She loves seeing them, playing with them, and watching them! They provide a CONSTANT stream of entertainment and interaction. It's so fun to watch!

Her gorgeous smile which accompanies a happy squeal.

Being silly.

Vianney is our earliest crawler. She began around 4.5 months and now, at almost 6 months, is scooting around like a pro. She isn't crawling on all fours very well yet, but tries everyday. She can sit up on her own now, too. She is also an early teether, popping her first two bottom teeth at 3.5 months. I expect more to come in anytime now if she continues like her sisters. I can tell she's almost ready for solid foods as she licks her lips and mimicks chewing while watching us eat during meal times. She does NOT like being left alone at all. If I just walk into the other room for a few moments she is usually well aware and begins crying until I come back. Usually I can only get away with leaving the room if the other girls are in the room with her. She loves company and interacting with others and has since she was an infant. When she cries, she makes a perfect "rolling r" sound with her tongue. It is hilarious and adorable. I need to get it on video soon.

Teá and Vivi playing together.

 

Playing that they were at sea.

I love it when babes find their toes.

 

Amaryn is beginning to potty train. I know I need to just drop everything and focus on training her while she's showing signs of interest but I haven't done it yet. With Thanksgiving next week I am going to wait at least until after that, and possibly until after Christmas. I just need to mentally prepare myself for doing extra loads of laundry and of course prepare to keep the carpet cleaner nice and close. Hopefully it won't be too painful of a transition since she has gone quite a bit on the potty already and seems to want to use the toilet more than her diaper. Jason and I are also really enjoying Amaryn's newfound use of language. She communicates in almost full sentences now! The past 6 months her vocabulary and language development have just skyrocketed and it's so fun to watch and always nice to be able to communicate easier with her. She says the sweetest things in the sweetest little, innocent voice. She is very good at thanking me without be prompted. "Tank you, momma."

Amaryn swinging at the park.

Trying out the big girl swing. It was all fun until I accidentally pushed her off. Oops, sorry Amaryn!

Somehow (ahem, I know how) Vivi always ends up in a box or basket.

More fun at the park.

She's such a sweetie!

Teá continues to be her joyful, overall helpful self. It's hard to believe she will be 5 so soon. About a month ago she lost her two bottom teeth and her permentant teeth are already coming in. It was quite exciting for her. We took the opportunity to learn about St. Apollonia, the patron saint of teeth, and she received some special treats in an envelope we made with a St. Apollonia picture drawn on it. My favorite time of the day with her is while the others are napping in the afternoon and we get to have one on one time together. Usually we work on her schoolwork, sometimes we will play a game like Memory or Chutes and Ladders. Lately, we've gotten in the habit once again of reading chapter books. It's always amazed me that Teá likes to sit still and listen to books with very few to no pictures accompanying it. She loves it and so do I. Right now we are reading "The Adventures of Red Rowdy" by Sandra Grant. The homeschooling curricula we use offers this book for free online. I also enjoy her help as we get dinner ready during nap times. She is the most enthusiastic helper for dinner and as she gets older I look forward to entrusting her with harder tasks for dinner prep simply because I know she will enjoy it so.

 Pretend sleeping.

Lost two teeth!

Sliding.

Occasionally, Amaryn will also help out in the kitchen with meal prep or dishes. Kids enjoy helping and I can't stress enough the importance of letting them. Yes, it means things won't be cut evenly, there will be more of a mess to clean up, dishes won't be perfectly organized in the dishwasher, etc. BUT eventually they will get better at it and become more independent plus it makes great memories. Just pray for patience!

Bedtime stories read by only the best.

The evenings are often filled with either Jason or I reading books to the girls or Jason rough-housing with them on the floor. Once they go to bed, Jason and I are grateful for some quiet and rest. We usually fill each other in on the day's happenings, watch some news, and lately we've both been so exhausted we will just watch a movie together (hello, Hallmark Christmas movies!). Even in our fatigue, it is so nice to sit in Jason's presence and enjoy the quiet together.

I know from first hand experience how easy it is to get caught up in the disasters happening all over the world, and indeed we should allow ourselves to feel. There is good in recognizing the need to pray and look towards Heaven and contemplate life and death and our hope found in Jesus. We shouldn't, however, get so caught up in these happenings that we feel paralyzing fear or that we forget to recognize God's abundant blessings. Whether you find His blessings in the face of your children, in the smile of a stranger, in the beauty of the sunset, or simply in His peace and love, it is only right and just to give Him thanks and praise Him.

Help on our Journey

I looked longingly out the window at the road. It seemed to call my name. How long had it been since my running shoes had met the black surface and taken me wherever my heart longed? I missed the rhythmic pounding of my steps as I jogged down a winding, scenic road; I missed being lost in my thoughts and lost in an endless prayer for those that came to my mind; I missed listening to the music playing through my headphones, connecting me to a plethora of runs listening to the same songs in years past. 

I just missed running. 

It always seemed to help release the tensions of the day, focusing my mind back on The Lord and on what really matters. Yet here I was, yearning for the road in my mind, though my body had other concerns. Another wave of nausea swept over me, and thoughts of running quickly sunk to the bottom of the sea. I placed my hands on my belly. The sacrifices of motherhood were apparent long before I could hold that sweet baby in my arms. Running would have to wait.

During those months of waiting, I decided to focus my mind on accomplishing a goal, a reward of sorts for the lost time of running. Once this season had passed, I would run a half marathon. I signed myself up for the race six months after my due date. It would be Fall, and the thought of running through the beautiful New England landscape helped me persevere through the months of longing.

Fast forward a few months and I found that training with a newborn and a postpartum body were more difficult than originally imagined, but one thought back to those dreary months of sickness and not being able to get out and run quickly dismissed the moments of temporary pain and fatigue. I trained as best I could and while I wasn't truly ready come race day, I was determined to at least try.

On the day of the half marathon, I was giddy with excitement and anticipation. My legs were eager to start running and my mind was already in the zone. I just had to wait for the horn to blow. As I stood among the crowds of fellow runners, I was thankful I wasn't running this race alone. Everyone around me was so nice and, without thinking much about it, we all encouraged one another to do our best, walk if we had to, and just enjoy the run. The horn finally blew and off we went.

There were two groups of people surrounding me that day: Those running alongside me, and those on the side cheering us along the thirteen mile stretch. Both groups of people were so instrumental in helping me accomplish that goal. I especially remember the group of people on the sidelines and how encouraging they were. They would shout and cheer us on, tell us how well we were doing, hold signs with motivating words on them, play live, upbeat music, and so on. It was an unexpected, completely welcomed perk of my run that day.

I also distinctly remember the parallels of running that race and the race we run as Christians, our lifelong journey here on earth, with hopes of Heaven at the finish line. Thus far on my Christian journey, the only group of people I recognized were those running the race with me. Fellow Christians that were running the same race, with the same goal. We would pray for each other and encourage one another; it was great! Not until I became a Catholic, however, did I realize the other group of people: the saints in Heaven. They've run the race, completed it faithfully and with joy. They left us great testimonies of wisdom, perseverance, and hope to help us in our daily walk and continue to lend their aid through their prayers.  

How wonderful that we can find so much encouragement, strength, and wisdom from the saints! Many times since becoming Catholic, I've been inspired by the lives and words of these people who courageously fought the good fight. Their love for Jesus and His Church is evident and it shaped their lives and sometimes even brought about their deaths. Regardless of the circumstances, they rejoiced! We have much to learn from them and it can inspire us to run our race with similar zeal. Just as I was able to look to the sidelines during the half-marathon and gain encouragement and focus in completing the task at hand, so too we can look upward at those in Heaven cheering us on and praying for us. 

"Death, but not sin!"

-St. Dominic Savio-

"O eternal Trinity, You are a deep sea in which the more I seek the more I find, and the more I find, the more I seek to know You."

-St. Catherine of Siena- 

"As the family goes, so goes the nation and so goes the whole world in which we live."

-St. John Paul II-

"Do not forget that holiness consists not in extraordinary actions, but in performing your duties to God, yourself, and others well."
-St. Maximilian Kolbe- 

Similarly, I have learned a lot since those days I looked longingly out the window yearning to run. During those times where we aren't able to fill our longings, we can look to the saints and realize that life is about SO MUCH MORE than fulfilling our own interests. Carrying babies and being a mom has left my running shoes quite lonely these past five years, but it's a wonderful and even small sacrifice.  

"Yes, all is well when we seek only the will of Jesus!"

-St. Therese-

"Teach us to give and not count the cost."
-St. Ignatius-

"Grant me, O Lord my God, a mind to know you, a heart to seek you, wisdom to find you, conduct pleasing to you, faithful perseverance in waiting for you, and a hope of finally embracing you. Amen.”
-St. Thomas Aquinas-

"Prayer is the inner bath of love into which the soul plunges itself."
"You either belong wholly to the world or wholly to God."
-St. John Vianney- 

All the Saints in Heaven, pray for us!

The Transforming, All-Powerful Love of Christ

Jesus loves you.

You've most likely heard it a million times. I know I have. Maybe you've believed it and felt His love in your life, through seasons of joy and seasons of trials. Or maybe you've wanted to believe it but struggled to find His love manifesting in your life, especially when the harsh realities of life left you feeling alone and anything but loved.

But He does love you, and this love is not like any other love we can find on this earth apart from Him. His love is selfless, perfect, and powerful. One of the biggest mistakes we can make is to not fully grasp and allow this love to do its work in us. It should transform us, perfect us, and equip us to live the abundant and Christ-like life that we are called to live.

Let's take a few moments and consider His love. It was selfless: it lead Him to the cross where He gave up His own life in order to save us from the death penalty of our sins and give us life with Him forever. It was perfect: Without considering Himself, He laid down His life for us while we were still sinners. His love is trustworthy, hope filled, never failing...it is perfect. His love is powerful: He didn't just die for us, He overcame death for us. Even the grave couldn't hold Him. His love is powerful enough to save Himself, and us, from the power of death.

His love saves us from death. Therefore, it can certainly save us from that which leads to death. His love is stronger than our addictions, our sins, our mistakes, our sicknesses, our imperfections, our failings, our brokenness. It's stronger than the attacks of Satan. His love is stronger than death and life; it is the giver of life.

If we aren't experiencing this love, we aren't experiencing the fullness of Christ in our lives. He is one with the Father, and the Father IS love (1 John 4:8). If you find that you are struggling with sin, pray. Pray that the love of Christ will transcend your sin and be washed away by the power brought forth through His blood. We alone are not stronger than sin, but He is, and by His death and resurrection He has given us power through Him to repent of our sins and live a life worthy of the calling we have received in Him (Ephesians 4:1). If you are struggling with addiction, bondage, disappointment, pain, regret, or hatred, know that His love is greater and allow God to work in you to rid you of these things. We aren't called to a life of bondage and slavery to sin-no, Jesus died so that we can be freed from that bondage and live with Him in righteousness. We are partakers of His death and resurrection and our lives should be reflections of that powerful truth (see Romans 6). 

And in that powerful truth, we can find comfort, peace, and joy because nothing can separate us from His love when we know how deep, how long, how wide the love of Christ is for us. For you. For me. 

"What then shall we say to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but handed him over for us all, how will he not also give us everything else along with him? Who will bring a charge against God’s chosen ones? It is God who acquits us. Who will condemn? It is Christ [Jesus] who died, rather, was raised, who also is at the right hand of God, who indeed intercedes for us. What will separate us from the love of Christ? Will anguish, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or the sword? As it is written:

“For your sake we are being slain all the day;

we are looked upon as sheep to be slaughtered.”

No, in all these things we conquer overwhelmingly through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor present things, nor future things, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

~Romans 8:31-39~

"...that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the holy ones what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to accomplish far more than all we ask or imagine, by the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen." 

~Ephesians 3:17-21~ 

The Lamb of God

On the way to church this morning, my two and a half year old daughter began singing the song we sing in Mass before breaking the bread in the Eucharist: 

"Lamb of God, You take away the sins of the world: Have mercy on us. 

Lamb of God, You take away the sins of the world: Have mercy on us. 

Lamb of God, You take away the sins of the world: Grant us peace."

My husband and I glanced at each other with a grin on our lips and a twinkle in our eyes. Maybe in her youthful innocence she understands those words better than we do, but whether that be the case or not, how beautiful that this is the part of Mass she remembers and delights in. 

I remember often pondering the mysteries of the Eucharist during my early Catholic church going days. As a Protestant dating a Catholic, I was aware of the differences in our beliefs toward the subject. I knew Communion was a bigger deal for him than for me, and I understood why (After all, he believes it is Jesus, I believed it was bread and wine and done in remembrance of Jesus). Not surprisingly  I wasn't yet convinced that the real presence of Jesus was in the bread and wine. Upon first hearing of this teaching my initial reaction, besides "That's strange.", was "Well, I guess God can do anything. He certainly can transform elements, after all, He formed them from nothing. But, would He?" I didn't know the answer at the time. I knew anything is possible with God, but if it goes against the way He instituted communion while here on earth, I would have to assume He wouldn't transform the elements now.

Even still, I can vividly remember multiple times being brought to tears while watching Catholic church-goers walk up for communion during the Mass. I couldn't explain it, but I found it beautiful. Whether I was watching an elderly man with his walker making his way to the alter to receive what he believed to be Jesus, or a young teenager with a crucifix around his neck, there was something significant that struck me. We all need Jesus. All the sudden, during communion, there was no distinction between gender, age, wealth, health, or the like. Everyone seemed to be on the same lowly level of humbly receiving something they didn't deserve, maybe couldn't even explain, yet knew they needed. 

It took many years of struggle trying to understand this mystery and whether or not there was any truth to it. I read the history of early church fathers, read books and commentaries, talked to both pastors and priests, prayed a lot, read the scriptures, and last but not least, waited. I waited for God to reveal the truth to me. It was to big a decision to make on my own, and I knew the decision would likely either bring me into the Catholic Church or further from it. The weight of it was heavy to say the least for many years. After all, I was married to a Catholic and raising my daughter Catholic. I dreaded being dis-unified in the family and bringing confusion to my children as they grew up, but not as much as I dreaded making the wrong decision and standing before God one day accountable for that decision. 

I'm so thankful God revealed to me so much of Himself through all of this and through the Catholic Church. I can say I whole heartily believe in the transubstantiation (the technical term for it) of the bread and wine into His body and blood. He is still increasing my faith in this area, and it does take faith. That's part of the blessing, mystery, and miracle of it. However, there is a lot of evidence for it as well which I am going to briefly outline some of the Biblical support below. 

Of course, there is John 6 which begins with the multiplication of the loaves. I find it interesting that right after performing this miracle with bread, he states that He is the bread of life. Surely it is a miracle as we receive Him in the Eucharist just as it was a miracle how He fed so many with so little at the multiplication of the loaves. The similarities are pretty profound. 

"I am the living bread that came down from heaven; whoever eats this bread will live forever; and the bread that I will give is my flesh for the life of the world...Amen, amen, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink His blood, you do not have life within you. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him on the last day. For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me and I in him. Just as the living Father send me and I have life because of the Father, so also the one who feeds on me will have life because of me. This is the bread that came down from heaven...whoever eats this bread will live forever."

~John 6:51, 53-58~

In 1 Corinthians 10, Paul warns of the idolatry of eating those sacrifices which are sacrificed on the alter to demons and compares it to the sacrifice we participate in which is that of the body and blood of Christ.

"The cup of blessing that we bless, is it not a participation in the blood of Christ? The bread that we break, is it not a participation in the body of Christ? Because the loaf of bread is one, we, though many, are one body, for we all partake of the one loaf. Look at Israel according to the flesh; are not those who eat the sacrifices participants in the alter?...You cannot drink the cup of the Lord and also the cup of demons. You cannot partake of the table of the Lord and of the table of demons. Or are we provoking the Lord to jealous anger? Are we stronger than He?"

~1 Corinthians 10:16-22~

In 1 Corinthians 11, Paul goes on to discuss the Lords supper. 

"For I received from the Lord what I also handed on to you, that the Lord Jesus, on the night he was handed over, took bread, and, after he had given thanks, broke it and said, “This is my body that is for you. Do this in remembrance of me.” In the same way also the cup, after supper, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me.” For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the death of the Lord until he comes. Therefore whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord unworthily will have to answer for the body and blood of the Lord. A person should examine himself, and so eat the bread and drink the cup. For anyone who eats and drinks without discerning the body, eats and drinks judgment on himself."

~1 Corinthians 11:23-29~

Let's go back to the Old Testament and the reason for which Jesus gathered with His disciples on the night he was betrayed: the Lord's Passover (Luke 22:7-20).

God was going to save the Israelites from the bondage of slavery to the Egyptians. He instituted the Lord's Passover where the Israelites were to obtain a lamb, sacrifice it, apply some of its blood over their doorposts, and eat it. The Lord would pass over the house of those faithful in accomplishing these specific tasks and He would spare them of His anger against the Egyptians. The requirements for the Passover were very detailed, and what is so amazing is that it all points towards Jesus, the one who would be the final sacrifice, sufficient enough to save us from the bondage of slavery to sin. The Lamb of God. 

The lamb brought forth by the Israelites must be without blemish (Exodus 12:5) and the Lamb brought forth by God, Jesus, was without the blemish of sin.

The lamb worthy of the Lords Passover could have no broken bones (Exodus 12:46) and the Lamb God brought forth in Jesus, when he was sacrificed for our sins, suffered no broken bones (John 19:36). 

The blood of the lamb on the Lord's Passover would save the people from Gods wrath and that blood was to be applied to the doorposts with the branches of hyssop (Exodus 12:22). The Lamb of God, while on the cross of His crucifixion, received wine from a sponge that was attached to the branches of hyssop right before He proclaimed "It is finished." (John 19:29-30).

The body of the lamb on the Lord's Passover was to be eaten on that same night (Exodus 12:8). At the celebration of the Passover that Jesus participated in with His disciples on the night of his betrayal, He told the disciples to take and eat His body, and to drink His blood, that they would serve as the sacrifice for the forgiveness of sins and the salvation of their soul (Mark 14:22-24). 

You see, Jesus isn't just the figurative, metaphorically speaking, sacrificed lamb; He is the literal Lamb of God (John 1:29,36). In Jesus, even the details of the requirements of the sacrifice of the Paschal lamb were fulfilled. It makes sense to me that when Jesus said to eat His body, just as God commanded the Israelites to do with the Paschal lamb, He meant it. If the Israelites hadn't done all God commanded of them, including the eating of the lamb, the result was death. Jesus, in John 6:53, states that unless we eat of His body and drink of His blood, we have no life in us. The result is death. Paul similarly declares in 1 Corinthians 11:29 that those who do not discern the body and blood of the Lord eats and drinks judgement on himself. 

The scriptures really are so full and so rich. I am left in awe of the work of our Lord, all He did for us. We need Jesus. Without Him, the result is death. With Him, the result is forgiveness of sins and eternal life. He literally laid down His life for us as the sufficient sacrifice for our sins. He is the Lamb of God. We are not worthy that He should enter under our roof, but He only need to say the word and our souls shall be healed (following the example of faith in Matthew 8:8, the recitation in Mass during the preparation of Communion).

"Lamb of God, You take away the sins of the world: Have mercy on us. 

Lamb of God, You take away the sins of the world: Have mercy on us. 

Lamb of God, You take away the sins of the world: Grant us peace."

Childbirth and Suffering

The reality of labor is quickly approaching. Being seven and a half month pregnant, I know baby Amaryn will be here before we know it. Of course, I can hardly wait! Yet, amidst the anticipation, there is an element of hesitation as I ponder the pain I must go through before I get to hold her in my arms. 

In reality, that impending pain is already manifesting itself in the pregnancy, as it does for most women. My confession: Lately, I have been complaining about the ailments of pregnancy some of the time. OK, maybe even complaining about the ailments of life and maybe not just some of the time, but most of the time. Different trials and whatnot this month have at times left me down and sulking. The other night I told Jason that I hate how much I've been complaining, yet I just don't know what else to do. The back pain and exhaustion are almost constant and it's difficult not to focus on it. Well, such is life, right? I know it's good for something, but sometimes it just feels plain rotten.

I've been thinking much about suffering lately. As a new Catholic, certain terminologies and phrases have caught my attention. In regard to suffering, I am supposed to "offer it up" so that it may be unified with Christ's sufferings and have a redemptive purpose. God, what does this mean? What is it you are trying to teach me through this suffering? Is my constant complaining and irritability towards it taking away from something great you are wanting to do through it?

It lead me to thinking about childbirth, but immediately I stopped myself and thought, well at least my suffering in pregnancy pains and childbirth results in something miraculous...it has purpose. There is plenty of sufferings out there we are called to endure which seem to have no purpose, no happy ending. 

Yet that's when I realized the truth of it all. The example of purposeful suffering is undisguised in childbirth, yet all suffering is meant to result in a miracle. It is designed to lead us to holiness and to Heaven. The pain and suffering of pregnancy, labor, and delivery is akin to all the refinement, self-denial, and hardship we must endure in this life. The end result is the same: new life. 

"Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you encounter various trials, for you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. And let perseverance be perfect, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." 

~James 1:2-4~ 

"I will bring [them] through the fire; I will refine them as one refines silver, and I will test them as one tests gold. They will call upon my name, and I will answer them; I will say, “They are my people," and they will say, “The LORD is my God.”" 
~Zechariah 13:9~

"Endure your trials as “discipline”;[...]At the time, all discipline seems a cause not for joy but for pain, yet later it brings the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who are trained by it."
~Hebrews 12:7,11~

"I consider that the sufferings of this present time are as nothing compared with the glory to be revealed for us. For creation awaits with eager expectation the revelation of the children of God; for creation was made subject to futility, not of its own accord but because of the one who subjected it, in hope that creation itself would be set free from slavery to corruption and share in the glorious freedom of the children of God. We know that all creation is groaning in labor pains even until now; and not only that, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, we also groan within ourselves as we wait for adoption, the redemption of our bodies. For in hope we were saved. Now hope that sees for itself is not hope. For who hopes for what one sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait with endurance." 

~Romans 8:18-25~

As Christians, we can take joy in our suffering, knowing that it unites us with Christ and the end result is worth the present hardship.  Lord, help us to not extinguish the refining fire of suffering through our complaints and sulking, but instead help us to be open to suffering so that it can birth your new life into us. Amen.

Do You Ever Feel Alone?

Alone. That's how I have been feeling this week. Alone in my Christian walk. Alone in my convictions. Alone in my struggles. Alone in my calling as a stay at home mother. Alone in my thoughts. Just so terribly lonely that it has left me feeling discouraged, hopeless, and burdened. It has also left me yearning for Heaven. I feel almost homesick for this place I have never been and can't even fully imagine in all its glory-the very Glory of God Himself. Yet I am here, stuck on this earth and in all of its imperfections. Every day I am reminded of the fallen nature of humankind. I see it in the news, in those around me, in myself. Sin and ungodliness reign. God seems difficult to find in the mess we've made for ourselves here. So many Christian brothers and sisters seem to be just as much a part of the world as the unbelievers. Godly values seem to be thrown to the side of the road and trampled on by the very people who profess Jesus as Lord and therefore should be living by those values and honoring them. Instead they live and preach a version of Christianity that fits their own belief system. I see all of this and it overwhelms me. It's unsettling and discouraging. It's hard to keep walking this road of Faith when it feels so lonely sometimes. It's hard to not want to be in Heaven where endless worship will be given the Holy One who is worthy of all honor and praise. 

Caught up in the emotions from the week, I was so happy to see Sunday come. A new day. The Lords day. I was craving the refreshing taste of community and worship. I prayed for Gods Spirit to rejuvenate and encourage me. Todays readings were perfect (Acts 15:1-2, 22-29; Psalm 67:2-3, 5-6, 8; Revelation 21:10-14, 22-23; John 14:23-29). The Gospel reading was especially refreshing. The Trinity is clearly expressed in the passage, the words are hope-filled and life-giving. We are to abide in His word and when we do that, the Lord comes and lives in us. He gives us Peace. Not like the peace of the world, but His Peace. We aren't to be troubled or afraid, Jesus is coming back for us; He will not leave us.

Wow, those words were exactly what I needed to hear. After Mass I met up for one of my final RCIA sessions. For an hour and a half I was able to be surrounded by fellow believers who share in this walk of Faith and let me just say that it was edifying and encouraging to say the least. It is so clear to me after days like today why believers need community and fellowship. We weren't created to survive alone. Christianity from its earliest beginnings was communal in almost every aspect of its roots. Jesus, in perfect unity with His Father and the Holy Spirit, died on a cross to bring us to Himself, which brings us into unity with the Trinity. This also brings us into unity with other believers. We are all partaking of the body and blood of our Lord Jesus Christ, we are all gathered together and share, as one, in HIS body and HIS life. We are a family. 

It's so important to remember that, as Christians and believers in Christ, we aren't alone. Sin might reign in the world but it doesn't in us because He has overcome sin. He has forgiven us and washed us clean, and we are therefore risen with Him in His resurrection and Triumph. Though in the world, we aren't of the world. 

Jesus has given us an opportunity to get to know what Heaven is like before we even get there. Heaven is the Glory of God, the dwelling place of His Splendor. If we love Him and keep His word, He will dwell in us (John 14:23-29). He has made our bodies His temple (1 Corinthians 6:19)! Wow! It's amazing and it leaves me in awe of His goodness. If we choose to live and abide in His word, we can be partakers of His Heavenly Kingdom. I don't have to yearn for Heaven while feeling alone and hopeless in this world. I can yearn for Heaven and glimpse into its Glory while living here on the earth. I don't have to wait and worship God in Heaven, I can worship Him here. In fact, if I choose to wait to give Him the honor, glory, and praise due His name, why would I expect to be doing so in Heaven one day? Our life here should be a reflection of what is yet to come. Loneliness and despair is not what is to come for those who believe and trust in Jesus. I am not alone. If nothing else I always have the unity of the Trinity living and dwelling in me, but He has also given me a community of believers. It's such a gift. I am so thankful that He has shown these things to me and reminded me of His Truth when I needed it this week. I am so thankful that He loves us so much and has given us such hope and promise.  

Rejoice Always

I just read through the short old testament prophetic book of Habakkuk. To be honest, I haven't read the book in its entirety before, but am glad that I finally have. In the book, Habakkuk is trying to understand why so much violence and injustice is permissible, and for how long will God allow the evil to reign? It's a question we've all thought at least at one time or another, isn't it? Why does God allow murder, hate, violence, and war? Isn't God sovereign and supposed to be good? Well, God answers Habakkuk. God assures him that there is an appointed time for judgement and we must wait faithfully for it, knowing that when that time comes it will not tarry and by faith the just will live (Habakkuk 2:3-4). The same is true today, and I love the last few verses in the last chapter as Habakkuk submits to Gods plan:

"Though the fig tree may not blossom, Nor fruit be on the vines;

Though the labor of the olive may fail, And the fields yield no food;

Though the flock may be cut off from the fold, And there be no herd in the stalls-

Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation."
~Habakkuk 3:17-18~ 

Whatever surrounds us, whether it be triumph or trial, we can rejoice in the Lord, for we are saved by Him. As sure as injustice reigns now, justice will reign then, and there is much hope in that. So wait for it, wait for Him, all the while rejoicing in the God of our salvation. 

Not for a Moment

Here's a little video I love that reminds me of the fact the we are never forsaken. 

Never Forsaken

While lying in my bed last night I was considering God's closeness. As I've been dealing with this miscarriage, I have felt such divine closeness to the Lord and an outpouring of His Spirit, strength, and hope. It's truly a blessing. I felt Him reminding me last night of His promise to us that He will never forsake us, never leave us. This promise is found in multiple passages throughout scripture. 

"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

~Hebrews 13:5; Deuteronomy 31:6; Joshua 1:5~

Reflecting on this sweet promise, I thought about some of the Biblical examples of God remaining near to His people even amidst struggles and grim circumstances. I thought of how He was near to Daniels' friends in the furnace (Daniel 3) and to Daniel in the lions den (Daniel 6); to Mary and Martha as they grieved the death of Lazarus (John 11); to Noah as he built and lived in the ark (Genesis 6-9); to Stephen as he was being stoned to death (Acts 6-8); to David as he fought the giant Goliath (1 Samuel 17); to Mary the mother of Jesus, even as she watched her son be put to death, He was near her and gave her His disciple, John to care for her (John 19:25-27). 

While these stories are comforting and reassuring, what's even more comforting is when I feel God near me or my loved ones during times of suffering and hardship, during times where we can experience the fulfillment of His promises firsthand. He has promised to not forsake us nor leave us no matter how dire the circumstances seem. Whether it be the loss of a loved one, the loss of a job, through sicknesses and terminal illnesses, through verbal and physical persecutions, through bullying and abuse, through the weariness of long days, through disabilities and handicaps, through EVERYTHING. 

As I thought of all these things last night, my mind suddenly began to question: How is this all possible? Why is God so gracious to us that He has made a promise to those who trust in Him that He will NEVER abandon them?

Then as quickly as the questions entered my mind, the answer filled its place. 

"My God, my God why have you forsaken me?"

~Mark 15:34; Matthew 27:46~

He can promise us this not because of anything we've done, but because of everything Christ did. He took our sin, our mistakes and our sufferings, upon Himself so that we could have a hope and a future with Him. To know how deep, how wide, how long, and how high the Fathers love for us is (Ephesians 3:18). We deserve to be abandoned and forsaken, yet Christ bore our transgressions and was forsaken from His Father for 3 days before being risen again into perfect Glory, and all for us. 

He was forsaken so we wouldn't have to be. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you. 

Whatever you are going through right now, wait on the Lord and pour out your hearts to Him. He cares for you and won't leave you in your pain. Instead He will edify you and bring you closer to Himself. The sufferings of this world won't last forever, He is coming again to raise us up with Him on the last day. So persevere and press into God, trusting in His promise that He is near and with you. He will strengthen you and uphold you with His righteous right hand (Isaiah 41:10).

Choosing Life in Miscarriage

We knew there was little chance for life in the womb at this point. It was only a few days earlier that we sat in the doctors’ office hearing the diagnosis from our midwife that we had most likely miscarried or even that the pregnancy may be ectopic since they couldn't find anything in the uterus via ultrasound. Pregnancy hormone level blood tests confirmed something was wrong since although they were rising, they were rising too slowly. A few days later I was worried when I had some unusual abdominal pain and more spotting so we drove to the ER. Another set of doctors confirmed the absence of life in the womb and the high probability of a tubal pregnancy. Fearful that my tube had already begun to rupture, the recommendation was laparoscopy, a surgical procedure in which incisions are made in my abdomen and a small camera then looks around at the organs, in this case the tubes, ovaries, and uterus, in search of a baby located outside the womb. **

During those hours in the ER at the hospital my husband and I looked to the Lord for comfort. Prior to going into surgery, we opened Gods word to the Psalms. Out of all the Psalms I read, it was Psalm 63 that I identified so closely with. Preparation for the surgery included fasting from food and even water for at least 6 hours. By the time the surgery began it was just after midnight and we had been at the hospital for nearly 9 hours at that point. Our time in the hospital spanned from the late hours of night to the earliest hours of morning. These are just a few of the reasons this Psalm spoke both words of comfort and encouragement. 

"O God, You are my God; Early will I seek You; My soul thirsts for You; 
My flesh longs for You, in a dry and thirsty land where there is no water, 

Therefore I have looked for You in the sanctuary, To see Your power and Your glory. 

Because Your loving-kindness is better than life, My lips shall praise You. 

Thus I will bless You while I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name. My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness, 

And my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips. 

When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches. 

Because You have been my help, 
Therefore in the shadow of Your wings I will rejoice. My soul follows close behind You; Your right hand upholds me. But those who seek my life, to destroy it, Shall go into the lower parts of the earth. They shall fall by the sword; 
They shall be a portion for jackals. But the king shall rejoice in God; 
Everyone who swears by Him shall glory; But the mouth of those who speak lies shall be stopped."

~Psalm 63~

“Because your loving-kindness is better than life, my lips shall praise you” (Psalm 63:3). Here we were, dealing with the loss of life of our little baby, yet Gods loving-kindness is BETTER THAN LIFE. If it’s better than life, it’s surely better than death, and so our lips will praise Him. So we remember Him, what He has done. The death HE endured for the life WE can receive. It’s because of His sacrifice we have this hope to meet this baby of ours in Heaven, and for that we definitely rejoice!

Satan seeks our life. He wants to destroy us. We need to remember to have perspective. This earthly life is temporary, but God is greater than life, He surpasses it and even conquered it! Satan wants to destroy more than our earthly life; he wants to take our eternal life as well. So while the loss of our baby is tragic and feels terrible, we must press on in the hope of His Glory. We must praise Him while we live (Psalm 63:4). He will give us the strength we need to carry on, of this I am certain.

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us."

~Romans 8:18~

So we choose life. We won’t team up with Satan in a journey of despair, sorrow, grief, and hopelessness. We’re on Gods team and join Him in a journey to victory. We look past the sufferings of this life and toward the glorious redemption of our souls and a life with Christ forever.

"Therefore, brethren, we are debtors—not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. For if you live according to the flesh you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together."

~Romans 8:12-17~

"Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

 ~Romans 8:37-39~

**Note: After surgery we were pleased to find out that I did not have an ectopic pregnancy as suspected. We were thankful for this news, yet still knew that miscarriage would most likely take place soon. A few days later, sure enough natural miscarriage began.